5.23.2004

Ahmed Chalabi's diary

Some may not be aware but Ahmed Chalabi's diary was one of the things the US took during their raid on his offices a few days ago. Amazingly, the government has quickly honored my FOIA request and I will be posting entries from his diary whenever I have time to translate them. Unfortunately, they aren't dated.

5 PM
Today was a boring day. Sometimes I just wish all this was over with and I was dictator already. It's times like these that I remember Donald Rumsfeld's words; "Amid all the clutter, beyond all the obstacles, aside from all the static, are the goals set. Put your head down, do the best job possible, let the flak pass, and work toward those goals." And so i try to take it one day at a time and keep my eye on the future.

I met with L. Paul Bremer III today, or "Jerry" as he likes to be called, don't ask me why. We talked about the transition of Iraq to democracy and all that crap again. I think anyway, I wasn't really listening, I was counting in my head how much money I could get for selling this man's head to the aytollahs. Not much I thought. Maybe a little chump change, but probably not even enough for a cappuccino latte at the baghdad Starbucks.

I almost let the cat out of the bag. "Jerry" was going on and on about something and said that we should get together tomorrow to work on our plans and without thinking I told him I had to see some Iraqi SAVAK (Iranian Ministry of Security) operatives to pick up my paycheck. He asked what I said and I replied that it was the name of a new band I was going to go see but I'd take a raincheck"

Oh boy, thank Allah the Americans are stupid dogs!

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11:30 PM

I watched Lord Of The Rings, The Two Towers tonight and there was one character that I admired more than all the rest, his name was Wormtongue. I didn't catch his first name and didn't have rewind. Get that, the man who is being groomed to be the dictator of Iraq can't get a clicker with a rewind button in his palace! Life is so funny sometimes.

Anywho, this guy, Wormtongue, was a trusted advisor to one of the imperial kings, only he was also on the payroll of the opposition. A guy after my own heart! He eventually gets found out and tossed out of the castle into the street and he says, get this, "I have only ever served you my lord." And it worked! Well, sort of anyway. They were going to kill him but they let him go instead. Can you believe that? I'll have to keep that in mind in case I ever need it, but it would have to be updated for a more modern audience. Something like, "I only act from an Iraqi national perspective" sounds like it might work.

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