Physics jokes

Heisenberg was driving down the Autobahn whereupon he was pulled over by a policeman. The policeman asked, "Do you know how fast you were going back there?" Heisenberg replied, "No, but I know where I am."

What's the difference between an auto mechanic and a quantum mechanic? The quantum mechanic can get the car inside the garage without opening the door.

Mrs. Schroedinger to Mr. Shroedinger: "Erwin! What happenned to the cat? It looks half-dead!!"

A hydrogen atom lost its electron and went to the police station to file a missing electron report. He was questioned by the police: "Haven't you just misplaced it somewhere? Are you sure that your electron is really lost?" "I'm positive." replied the atom.

How do you know that the driver driving toward you is a physicist? He has a red sticker on his bumper, saying: "If this sticker is blue, you are driving too fast."

The neutron walked into a bar and ordered a beer. Bartender brings it over, and the neutron takes a sip. "Great Beer!" comments the neutron, "How much?" The Bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

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