Why Kerry must not be allowed to win

While we can rest assured that a Bush win in November will result in four of the dumbest years the White House has ever witnessed, with deficits, demagogery, fearmongering, liberal spending and government expansion and extremely liberal militaristic intervention (read draft, perpetual wars, and multiple quagmires) there is still one insurmountable problem with a Kerry victory. Namely, his close ties to very powerful industry insiders. He is literally in bed with one.

I am speaking, of course, of his wife Teresa Heinz Kerry, one of the people behind the curtain of the powerful international ketchup cabal.

This nation is in grave danger having such powerful industry insiders with such a direct line to the president. I can well imagine that after the election we will see the industry crumble under scandal after scandal, with hundreds of billions of dollars lost in what really amounts to competiting ketchup rackets being forced out of business. Once it skyrockets to over $2 a bottle, Kerry will be pushing for ketchup drilling in the ANWAR to ease our dependance on foreign tomatos.

If congress stops him, he will invoke the war against terror (T.W.A.T.) to once again invade some pissant country in the middle east to gain control over their vast ketchup reserves where we will become bogged down for God knows how long in a war that has nothing to do with T.W.A.T.

Our national foreign policy can ill afford to be hijacked by these insidious ketchup people. However, voting for Bush is not a very good alternative as he seems to not only be persuing a surreal byzantine foreign policy of his own but is trying to bankrupt us and turn us into an Orwellian surveillance society in the process. And no matter who is elected it is inevitable that these powerful special interests, with their billions of dollars in bribe money will end up running our government. But what can we as a society hope to do to ensure this from hapening? I'm afraid that unless we start working toward a viable alternative to our ketchup dependancy we can never hope to achieve peace.

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